Heartwings Love Notes

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Heartwings Love Notes 312 - My Mother Is Leaving

Heartwings says, "Those we keep always in our hearts can never completely leave us."

For some time now my mother has gradually been leaving. Physically, she is still present. When I call she speaks to me on the telephone. Yet names do not mean much to her. She might initially recognize mine, yet soon she is repeating her two most familiar phrases: "and where are you now?" or "and what are you doing?" Most likely at that point she no longer knows to whom she is speaking.

Her decline has been gradual, yet looking back I can see signs I failed to recognize for what they were. Eighteen years ago we took a trip to Medjugoria. I thought it odd that she kept thinking she had lost things her eyeglasses or her money. She'd root through her purse or her belongings until I found them for her. There were other signs I ignored—the repetition of stories, the themes pursued in every phone conversation.

Now it is as though she is alone in the middle of the ocean. Her simple life with my sister is the familiar environment of her raft. Beyond it little exists. I stand on land watching her recede. I don't know if she can see me waving. The mother I loved once is gone. To grieve for her is futile. I watch her drift farther and farther from sight. All I can give her now is my unconditional love.

Her world no longer includes her grandchildren or great grandchildren. At ninety-five she has outlived her siblings as well as her contemporaries. I doubt that what I tell her has much relevance yet I try to entertain her as best I can without making her feel fretful or bewildered. I also know that as soon as I hang up she will not remember I have called. I also know that regardless how far away she may drift she is anchored forever in my heart and I will always love her.

May you have time with those you love while they can still show their love for you as well.

Blessings and Best Regards,
Tasha Halpert

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