Notes 820 - Befriending Ourselves
Heartwings says, "We are happier when we treat
ourselves like a friend."
When was the last time you bought yourself a present—not something practical but
something you wanted and didn't think you ought to spend the money for? You
might even have recently bought a gift for someone else that you would have
liked to give yourself, and yet didn't quite dare to for fear of your own
disapproval. Most of us are taught to think of others before thinking of
ourselves. While that is a nice way to behave it often leaves results in making
us feel deprived or at least somewhat resentful.
Giving to others is praiseworthy. Depriving ourselves to give is not. It results
in our feeling the other person ought to be more grateful than they may
be…especially if the other does not know how you sacrificed to do that. The
reason we too often give to others at our own expense is that it feels nicer to
do for others. It gives us good feelings because we're acting in accordance with
what we feel is the right thing to do. But is it? I believe it is important or
even necessary to treat ourselves as we would a friend.
Long ago I met and studied with a teacher that taught me this. It was the
beginning of a friendship between myself and me. I learned that if I listened to
a wee small voice inside me I would receive true guidance toward correct
behavior when it came to giving to or acting for myself. I am not speaking of
being selfish or self-centered. There is a big difference between befriending
oneself and spoiling oneself. I do not believe in self indulgence to a point of
neglecting others, only in being fair about the balance between giving to others
and giving to myself.
The real key here is that balance. I can tell when things get out of balance
because that inner voice will cry out in pain or sorrow. I may feel neglected or
ignored even when I am actually not. Learning to hear that inner voice requires
giving up the righteous feeling I get from self-sacrifice and instead asking
myself what I really want to have or do instead. I can ask myself, is this how I
would treat a friend? The answer comes as a knowing or an understanding. Then my
actions are guided by what is good for all concerned including me. When I am my
own friend I treat myself the best way I can, and I am happy and content.
May you find good ways to treat yourself as a friend.
I love to
hear from readers and would be honored if you would comment and let me know any
suggestions or thoughts. If a friend sent you this, you can sign up at my web
where more love notes can be found in the archives.
Blessings and Best Regards,
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