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Heartwings Love Notes 1013 - Holidays can bring back the past

Heartwings says, "The past does not need to dictate the future."

Because I am unaccustomed to needing help, I have often refused it without thinking. For years my automatic response to offers for help has been, "No thanks, I'm fine," or "No, I can do it myself, thank you." The other day I said no to an offer of help when getting out of a car. Actually, I could have used the help, as my physical challenges have grown. However, without thinking I said "no, thanks." Stephen chided me and asked me why I had done that, when I could have had an easier time by accepting. I thought about it, and a memory came to me.

A good number of years ago my mother and I were visiting my brother in California. He was driving his small truck, and my mother and I rode in it with him. We stopped and got ready to get out. I slid out and offered to help her down. She adamantly refused. As I reflected on the memory, I remembered how independent she had always been. Then I realized that unconsciously I had patterned myself on her behavior.

This is an easy thing to do, and we do it without thinking. Our parents are our first models for how adults conduct themselves. It's no wonder that without realizing it, we imitate them. As I understand it, until we are around eight years old, we are apt to take our behavioral cues from the adults around us. After that our peers often become our examples of how to behave. However, the patterns we absorb as young children are often the ones that on a subconscious level keep influencing us.

If once we become aware of them, we wish to change these behaviors, we must first catch ourselves in the act, so to speak. At that point we can decide to do things differently, as I did the next time I was offered help. Catching myself right at the point of saying, "No, thanks," I said "Yes, thank you." I took my friend's hand, and I was happy to find myself getting out of the car with greater ease.

I hope that I never get too old to learn or to grow more aware of anything that I would benefit from changing. It is a wonderful experience to be able to do this. I am enormously grateful for the ability as well as the opportunity. It has been my experience that holidays are a fine chance to observe our automatic behaviors. Many of us spend quality time around family members. This calls forth that kind of unconscious, early patterning behavior.

As we are able to be mindful during those times, we often can learn something new about ourselves and how we act. Then if we wish, we can change what we would like to change, and find ourselves and our lives the better for new ways of doing and being. The key to being able to do this is to keep the mind clear of speculation and apprehension. If we can eliminate thinking ahead as to how people will react to us or what they will think about us, and instead be present in the moment, we can learn a very great deal about ourselves that will be helpful.

May you enjoy your holidays and learn something new as well.

Got any easy recipes to share? Food stories to tell? I so appreciate your comments and thoughts. Please write to me at tashahal@aol.com, and for more love notes, check out www.heartwingsandfriends.com. Thanks!
 

I love to hear from readers and would be honored if you would comment and let me know any suggestions or thoughts. If a friend sent you this, you can sign up at my web site, www.heartwingslovenotes.com, where more love notes can be found in the archives.

Blessings and Best Regards,
Tasha Halpert
 

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