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Heartwings Love Notes 960 - Focus is all important.

Heartwings says: "Complaining can be counterproductive."

There are times when it's good to complain. When something important needs to be corrected, those who can do that need to know. When workmanship is shoddy or a purchase does not live up to its guarantee, making a complaint is appropriate. However, as I recently discovered for myself, it's not a good idea to complain to oneself about what one can no longer do, or if one is not living up to one's own expectations based on the past. I have had many lessons on this.

An early one occurred when I was in high school in the Boson area. I lived with my grandmother there during the week. Nonny, as she preferred to be called, was a generous person, and kind to me in her own way. Quite stern in her view point, she was of the "stiff upper lip" school, because this had been her upbringing. She felt the only feelings one ought to express were those that were positive: no complaints were to be made. One was supposed to grin and bear it.

I remember once being very sad and disappointed about something, although I don't remember what, and standing before her with tears running down my face. She looked at me stonily and said, "You had better stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." Although that memory is seventy years old, it's crystal clear in my mind. I thought about it recently when I was complaining to myself about not living up to my personal expectations.

It seemed to me that I was getting slower, less efficient, and somehow weaker. This bothered me. I began bemoaning this to myself. Then it occurred to me that by focusing on my inabilities, I was actually emphasizing them. It also occurred to me that this wasn't helping me to improve. It might even be making things worse. Nor was I taking into account what I could accomplish and giving myself credit for that. I realized I needed to rethink my attitude, and to do things differently.

It has been said that getting old is not for sissies. Dealing with abilities that have declined can be tricky, especially when you remember what has been the norm in the past. There is no denying that at eighty or more, most of us cannot accomplish what we could at fifty or sixty. However, when I focus on what I can do, I don't need to grieve the past nor to feel diminished. Now having realized that, instead of complaining I am working to tell myself "good job," and rejoice in my victories large or small.

May you find ways to encourage yourself and praise your accomplishments.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

P.S. Any comments, dear readers you may have are greatly appreciated. Have you had similar experiences? I love it when you share with me. Please write me at tasahal@gmail.com or tashahal@aol.com. For more love notes and other enjoyment, please visit www.Heartwingsandfriends.com
 

I love to hear from readers and would be honored if you would comment and let me know any suggestions or thoughts. If a friend sent you this, you can sign up at my web site, www.heartwingslovenotes.com, where more love notes can be found in the archives.

Blessings and Best Regards,
Tasha Halpert
 

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