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Heartwings Love Notes 972 - Grousing Rights

Heartwings says, "Being cheerful all the time is unrealistic and could be bad for your health."

I was brought up not to complain. I can still hear my grandmother saying sternly, "Stop your grumbling or I'll give you something to really complain about." I was taught to "bite the bullet," as the saying goes. This particular metaphor refers to the Civil war in the US when soldiers were often amputated without anesthetic—it hadn't been invented, and were given a bullet to literally bite down on so as not to cry out in their pain. Stiff upper lips were recommended to me as well. It was the upbringing of my parents, and I accepted it without question.

Weakness of any kind was scorned and denigrated. "Nobody likes a crybaby," "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone." I absorbed this as correct behavior when I was very young. It ultimately led me into several depressions, when I would find myself crying for no reason I could discern. Eventually, with therapeutic help I managed to sort it all out and my life improved, for which I am grateful. However, I still maintained my scornful attitude toward whatever I perceived as weakness.

In time and with experience I have come to see the error in this kind of thinking. It is still common among certain kinds of people, and it results in a lack of sympathy as well as a tendency toward arrogance. Compassion cannot grow in the hard dry soil of scorn. Because I was not raised to be compassionate, I have had to learn it through a deliberate application of kind thought. For instance: How would I feel in a similar situation, faced with what someone else is, and similar questions have helped me see things differently and aided in the opening of my heart.

Needless to say, I am still not finished with this kind of thinking. The other day I criticized my husband Stephen for complaining about something that seemed trivial to me. He looked at me, smiled and said, "Please give me grousing rights." Light dawned, and I smiled back. "Of course, " I told him, go right ahead and grouse. While it is unhealthy to dwell on one's dissatisfaction or complaints, it is good to voice them, let them go and be done with them. It is healthier to let off feelings as they occur rather than have them fester and perhaps erupt into anger or even generate depression as mine once did. Grousing is a good way to be healthy.

May you express your feelings freely and authentically.

How do you do with expressing your feelings? For best results it is important to express them without blame or finger pointing. "I feel…" is a good way to begin. Do write me and let me know your feelings on this subject. I do so love your emails. Write me at tashahal@aol.com, and to read more Love Notes, visit my web pages at www.heartwingsandfriends.com
 

I love to hear from readers and would be honored if you would comment and let me know any suggestions or thoughts. If a friend sent you this, you can sign up at my web site, www.heartwingslovenotes.com, where more love notes can be found in the archives.

Blessings and Best Regards,
Tasha Halpert
 

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